the Awakening

something happen..i was struck by lightning..there's rage..there's pain..there's humiliation..there's so many negative feeling mixed in this soul of mine..

the news..the most unexpected..the most uninvited..the most unbelievable news..reaches my grab..invading my mind..echoing in my head even as i type these words right now..

it was hell..yes..it is hell..if you read your Holy Book..Al-Quran..The Bible..you know that hell is an eternal damnation..and that's what its going to be for me from this moment onwards..

that very news..which i can't share..which i dare not even to speak off to another soul..reaches deep into my soul..moving one tombstone that i place in the most isolated..darkest part of my heart..

it dig the grave..thy very grave..of one creature i fear the most..one creature that ruled me for so many years before..one creature that if i let it loose free..will cause havoc..bring chaos..caling the infernal rain..to not only myself..but to many living breathing soul out there..even to the most innocent of us all..

it is a creature known to many as The Inner Devil..known to me as The Dark Side of my soul..a creature so wild..even hell spat it out right after swallowing it..simply because..even hell..can't hold this creature down..

a creature who care not of virtues..who care not of human right..who care not of what is right and what is not..who do things simply because its satisfying..to its demonic uncompromising self centered sadistic hunger..

in a nick of time..the most vital second in my life..something..somehow something manage to stop the resurrection of my dark side..manage to hold it down..lay it back in that diggen grave..put it to rest..before it manage to rules me once again..

that something is my compassion..that something is this care i have for people that close to me..that something is this large amount of love i have been feeling for this past few weeks..thanks to these emotion..they put the creature back to it resting place..

but..

thou it lay there..in that grave..i should remind others and most importantly my own self..that there is no coffin to close it down this time..there is no ground covering that grave like it was before..there is no tombstone to seal it down from the light of life that it once disturbed..

the creature lay there..sleeping with one eye open..waiting..eagerly await..for the slightest invitation..for the tiniest provocation..that can be thy excuse..for it to jump out..and take control..to again laughing and dancing and drinking to the havoc it brought..

truth is..i am so scared of the future..of things that might happened..of consequences..of that uncertain darkness await me..for i am weak..weaker than i was..the pillar that strengthen me up this past 2 years is cracking..and i can't find a way..can't find a thing..to set it up again as strong as it was..

to those that think they are so close..to me..so dear to my heart..on my knee..i kneel..i kneel for long `til blood gushing out of my now wounded knee..i beg you..save me..do what you can..please..do the best you can..all in your might and in your sight..save me..from my other side..

for the awakening..

has begun!!