Sin Circle

STORIES OF UNLUCKY PEOPLE IN UNLUCKY CIRCUMSTANCES WITH UNLUCKY BRICK FALLS ONTO THEIR HEAD.

2010-09-29T15:28:00.005+08:00

Tale 1

“The Boy Who Loves New Year Eve’s”

My name is Jalee. I’m twelve.. No.. No.. I think I am thirteen now. Let me think again. Oh Yes.. I am thirteen.. Yeap.. Thirteen. How do I know my age? My sister told me before she disappeared 3 years ago. On that night, she said that I was ten. Ten plus three is thirteen.. Am I right?

As you can see from my dirty pale clothes, you can tell that I am homeless. Oh? You can’t? How about the smell? The yellowish teeth? Stink breathe? He he.. Now you know.

I lived in the back alley of a somewhat place people called “Bukit Bintang”. I think for most of my life, I spent it here. Places where people in many shape and size and colour and voices and genders gather. Why are they here? I actually have no clue. Shopping perhaps, working maybe. I don’t really care.

I cannot read but I counted bloody well! I know it has been 3 times now that people goes crazy, spraying white foam on each others, screaming Happy New Year from the top of their lung, and of course, drunk till they can’t pee straight. It was 3 times of that marvellous night I love the most since my sister left. I like that night because people seems to be more generous in these kind of night, especially old man with beautiful daughters holding their arms. The only thing I do not understand was why they have to kiss, hugs, and touches each other in weird way. I never saw my dad did that to my sister.

My family, I really did not remember much. A father, a mother and an older sister name Meena. All I know, I have been following my mother around since God knows when. Holding me in her right hand, and a can in her left, asking for spare change. That is how things go as far as I can remember. My dad will take my sister. Same routine, different partners. We do switch partners now and then. Personally, I like hanging out with my mom more. She is nicer, and she usually filled her can faster that Dad. The faster the can filled means more time for me to play then.

Few years ago, we were living in house made of boxes Dad and me collected. It is never comfortable. Not one bit. If its raining, heavily, we will all be soaking wet. When the rain ceased, Dad and me has to walk around looking for more boxes to replace the ruins. It was never easy, but somehow I enjoy that moment Dad spent with me.

Things are the same for few years, boxes, can, streets, rains. Until one night, Dad wakes us up with a scream. He told us to run. As fast as we can. I don’t know why but I just do what ever the man says. He looks so afraid. I don’t know what I’m running away from, then I realized that Dad was not among us. Mom headed back to our boxes. I wanted to follow her back but she told my sister to take me away. To safety, she said.

The next day, my sister and I went back to our boxes home, seeking for Mom and Dad. They were not there. Nothing was there beside scattered boxes everywhere. My sister told me to ask around, so I did. Mamak stall, parking boys, who ever I think knew what happened that night. None. No one can answer me. Then I started to ask anyone. Everyone. Still, I get no answers.

Few days later, it was my sister that came with the answer. She told me that the mamak boy told her that he heard from the basking guy, that he heard from the burger guy that he overheard some bad gangsters spoke about clearing the back alley and killed some “rats”. Dumping their bodies in a river somewhere. It was for “business” they said. The mamak boy told my sister that “rats” actually meant for homeless and beggars. I still didn’t understand what happened. Its my parents I’m looking for. Not RATS!!

Things are just the same after my parents gone. Now its me and my sister. Can in our hands. Asking for spare changes. Meals? Depends.. If the can filled with coins, then we can go on for three or four days with roti canai, nasi lemak. If not, there are always bakeries around. All I have to do is to wait for the night to come. One of them will throw away the old bread (they taste great to me). If I’m lucky, there’s this Arabian restaurant (how do I know it’s Arabian? The 7-eleven girls told me so). But I have to ask from the guy at the back of the restaurant. If he’s in good mood, I’ll get some food. Sometimes there’s meat, the most delicious food I ever ate.

Years goes by, I rarely think about Dad and Mom now. Survival come first. I’m beginning to spend time more by myself now. Splitting way with my sister. She’s a big girl now. Beautiful girl even in that dirty clothes and dusty hair and stained faces and stinking smells. She is still beautiful. To me she always are.

If you wonder how it felt to hold a can and asking for spare change from people you don’t even know. My answer is simple. It is pretty tough. You have to master the skills. Facial expressions, timing and picking the right group of people is very important. You have to look miserable. It is better if you get that “I haven’t eaten in days” look on your face (even if you just had a roti canai). The best time will be weekend or holidays. How do I know it is a holiday? Simple. I just look at ten first faces I saw. If nine of them were unfamiliar faces, then it is a holiday. The right group of people? Never the foreigner, tourist or people who worked nearby. And teenagers. Consider yourself lucky if you can get twenty cents from this crowd. Try families. Malaysian family. Malaysian can be very generous. If its night time, try old man walking hands in hands with his beautiful daughter. They always give you some. I don’t think its out of sympathy. It’s more like to get rid of me. I don’t care. Their money that counts, not their reason. Like the bad gangsters said, it is for “business”.

Let us talk about my favourite night. Night of all nights. People filled the streets. Laughing, giggling, and wishing Happy New Year to each other. Everybody seems to be happy. Not a glimpse of hatred in every faces I’ve seen. They light the sky with colourful, wonderful and beautiful fireworks. I almost forgot that I am not one of them. That night, I felt as equal as any. Next, my favourite part. There will be kissing, hugging, and touching scenes everywhere around me. Boys with girls, fathers with daughters, white men with local girls, local men with white women, boys with boys, fathers with sons (thou I always wonder why their sons always spoke in that sissy way). And if I went looking at the right places, I can even see some much more exciting scenes, some places has all the surprises. If you know what I mean. Hehehe..

That brings me to few nights after that favourite night of mine. Three years back. My sister came to me. She looks different now. Red lips. New clothe. I swear to God she looks like an angel. She even smelled good. She came to me with a fierce looking man. She told me that she is not going to be around me anymore and I must take a good care of myself. She also said that one day she’ll come back for me. I don’t really care of things she said. All this while, I seem to be doing well on my own. That fierce looking man tapped my shoulder and handed me few red notes. Suddenly he does not look that fierce to me anymore. I took the money, smiled and fled. Knowing that I won’t starve for the next few weeks. I left my sister and that not-so-fierce-looking-anymore man. At least she won’t be starving. At least that’s what I thought. At least. All I heard was my sister’s distant shout “Jalee, you are ten years old now, stay out of trouble!”, or something like that.

And so on, so forth. I continued my misadventure as a homeless street boy. I make friends with some of the boys whom shared my way of life. “The Misfortunate Clique” one of us said. But I didn’t befriend them for long. They steal things. Break things. Smoke things that smelled funny. I don’t like that, but I am afraid to one of them they called Man, a big boy with heavy punches. I know its heavy. Taste them for more than one occasion. After few encounters with his heavy punches, I started to pull myself out. It is not easy as they knew where I sleep and “works”. For this, I never stay long in one place. I move around in every few weeks. For two years, I’ve been doing that moving around thing. But I’m always back in Bukit Bintang to enjoy my favourite night. Something I would not missed, not even for Man’s heavy fists pouncing on my skull.

It is the third New Year’s night now since my sister left me. Here I am, in a place that makes me feel at home, again, ready to party with the crowd. The night is still early, so I strolled around, as the streets are not crowded yet. Searching for the best spot to enjoy that favourite part of the night I mentioned before. Suddenly I heard a familiar voice. Crying. Weeping. It’s my sister’s voice. I knew that for sure. I ran to the source of that voice and I saw a man, punching on my sister’s head (something like Man used to did on me). I am not a strong boy. That I know for sure. But I do know that my sister is even weaker. In a sudden, I felt weird, its like having this supernatural strength flowing in my veins. Trembling in anger, I charged at that man (not the man I met few years back, it’s a new guy), jumping, punching and kicking at him. He was surprised and for a short while, he just stood there. Stunned I guess. Then, he hit back. WOW!! His punches are ten times heavier then Man’s. He pummeled and I fell down hard. He then stomped his boots on my back, screaming in Chinese language that I do not understand a word at all. I didn’t feel anything soon after. I didn’t hear anything either. Not my sister’s voice. Not the crowd. Not even the fireworks. Guess my so-called supernatural strength doesn’t really work.

I don’t know what happen. Woke up few hours later and saw a face. A familiar face. The mamak boy (who told my sister about that “rats” thing). Then I saw nothing but pitch black darkness. Fainted again. Open my eyes in the morning, inside the mamak boy’s kitchen, aching all over, and hungry as hell. He brought me a place of roti canai, a glass of water. Its hard to eat, yet I ate it all still.

Few days goes.. I heard nothing about my sister. Why do I care? Its no like I know where to find her. She can take care of herself I guess. I better think of myself now, I am thirteen. I am a big boy who was beaten by a man twice my size. How many thirteen-year-old boys can stand that?

Time flies. Now I have a job. Yes! A real work as the dish-washing boy. Where? Where else? Mamak boy stalls. Well, its not his stalls actually. It’s his Dad’s. His father offered me a three meals, RM5 a day salary. And the best thing was, I don’t need to sleep on the street anymore. He let me sleep in the kitchen. Working from 6 am to 9 pm. Everyday. His father doesn’t let me out much. He said that I don’t have an IC and working permit. Police will catch me and jail me for that. I obeyed his order not because of I am afraid of the Police thing. I just like it there. In the kitchen. I like the smell of that detergent I use. And the bubbles too. And I’m looking forward for my next New Year night. This time I will take the mamak boy with me. I’ll show him what he’s been missing all this years. I don’t really care about the IC or working permit or the police. Who cared about that. Heck! I don’t even know what they are.

To All Vampire Lovers Out There

2009-10-26T13:11:00.005+08:00

Halloween is coming..
as Marilyn Manson sing it..

"Boys and Girls of every age..
Wont you like to see on something strange.."

Be ready Mon Cherie..
Halloween.. you will see strange things..
Auwooooooooooooo (wolf.. always a pretty creature)

Well..
Back to what I really want to type..
Vampires..
A subhuman.. lives and feed on human blood.. few weaknesses here and there.. sunlight.. stakes.. garlic (maybe they hate the smell).. holy water.. bla bla bla
what ever the case is..
I do believe.. many of us are attracted.. no.. what's the perfect word.. enchanted? no..
FASCINATED.. with the idea of vampires.. among us.. or even becoming one.. ( i know i do )

well
to all vampire lovers out there..
let us share something shall we..

the origin of vampire..
from the bible.. i barely know anything.. i am not catholic.. sorry for that
what i am about to type..
vampires.. from books i read

1)Bram Stoker's = Count Vladislav Drakul.. a young Romanian prince.. went to war.. returning.. some misfortune of luck.. losing everything .. blaming God.. and cursed into a blood sucking monster..

seriously.. its the original.. and it does fascinate me.. for years.. because i saw not Dracula as an evil monster.. i saw him as a man deeply in love.. (if you read the book.. you'll know)

that is until i read the next story of vampires..

2)Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles = This changes everything.. Anne Rice's vampires are so elegant.. not dark and mellow like the previous version.. Marius.. Armand.. Akasha.. and above all.. Lestat.. they live (they already dead.. sorry) gloriously..

Anne Rice did change few things.. their weaknesses.. their abilities.. but after i went through all her books.. i realize there is some similarity between hers and Bram's Dracula..

Its religious.. both of the stories are.. Catholic influences are everywhere...
And.. its about love.. in both stories.. showing that vampires are creature of loves..

But the interesting fact in Anne Rice's vampires is that her vampires are so elegant.. one of them even became a rock star.. Lestat.. and i know.. many vampire lover out there prefer Lestat over Dracula..

Anne Rice shown a lot of sympathy on her vampires in her novels.. and that actually attract most of the vampire lovers / readers out there..

and now.. Charlaine Harris..

3)Charlaine Harris's Southern Vampire Chronicles = This one is new to me.. have not read any of her things.. only that I've seen the tv series.. true blood.. based on her novels..

as far as True Blood concerns.. it does attract me.. the ideas that vampire are out in the open now.. having their own bar.. having their own hierarchy.. management.. business.. that interesting..

but i did notice that somehow.. Charlaine Harris did in a way continuing Anne Rice legacy and ideas.. with some differences.. but she did it brilliantly.. he vampires are as elegant as Lestat.. and for now.. new generation of vampire lovers are into Eric Northman.. William Compton.. Jessica Hamby.. and she did mixed other supernatural being in her novels.. telepathic (fairies) .. shape shifter.. maenad (ancient myth).. were wolf/tiger/panther.. and it does added the flavor...

well..
i did missed out on John Carpenter's vampires because i never read any of his book.. i don't know why.. but i will read them.. soon.. and a friend just remind me that i fail to mention Stephanie Meyer's vampires.. owh.. sorry for that.. i have not read any of her books.. yet.. but i watch the movie twilight.. well.. still from the movie... it shown that vampires are beautiful and capable to love and be love.. and i promise you.. i will dig into this Carpenter's and Meyer's vampires.. and i shall tell you my view on them.. sorry again

since.. all of them writers.. fascinate me.. makes me wonder.. is Vampires real? can i be one? and stuffs.. left me dreaming for more.. (and you vampires lovers out there too right)

to all vampire lovers out there.. no matter if its Count Dracula.. Lestat.. Eric.. we all love them for the same reason.. they are beautiful in their own personal way...

and to new vampire lovers.. come come.. join the club.. and please.. do read all of them vampires books.. it is all beautiful..

After all.. too much vampires in your head will not going to harm you right? or will they?
hmmmmmmmmmmmm

Hot Fuzz

2009-08-30T03:16:00.002+08:00

Greetings..
Phew.. long time.. long time..
well..
kinda lost interest in writing for a while..
just don't feel like to..

but..
there's this movie I personally suggest for your viewing..
Hot Fuzz
a wicked.. funny.. and entertaining movie..
a Briton Made..

First saw it on HBO.. and I told myself.. wtf.. police? enough with this police things.. there's more than one can fit the eyes..
so i switch over to Starmovies.. Cinemax.. even worst.. Steven Seagal? was he dead and cremated some years ago? oh no? he still alive? zzzzz
owh.. it was David Carradine? another lousy actor? owh. .sorry

Back to Hot Fuzz..
after switching over few channels.. I told myself.. wth.. just watch that darn Hot Fuzz..
and then..
I started laughing.. giggling at first.. big laughter after ward..
Brit and their silly sense of humor..

Ahh.. I failed to mention what the story all bout?

Its about Sergeant Angel.. a good and dedicated police in London.. transferred to a small village in rural Gloucestershire.. the reason for his transfer? believe me this.. for being very good at what he's been doing.. solving crimes.. (we need this kind of police here in Malaysia)
- tips.. check out few scenes.. his superior transferring him and his workmate enjoying it.. and the scene how he broke the news to his ex gf.. happen to be a CSi staff..

Then.. off to Sanford village in Gloucestershire we go.. a village that have won "Village of the Year" award for so many times and intending to hold on it.. here where the fun truly begin.. from chasing criminal.. to chasing goose on a loose.. having a partner that is so into hollywood movies.. and to found out the dark secret how Sanford manage to won that award for so many times.. almost everyone is someone in that movie.. not going to let you know the rest.. go watch it.. its good.. i bet on it..

All right..
Here's what you should look for in Hot Fuzz..
- the acting skills.. every actors / actresses in that movie.. not matter the age.. they performed brilliantly..
- that bloody English sense of humor.. wicked!
- and the gunfight scene.. owh god! picture this.. a grandma.. on a bicycle.. hands of the handle.. and start shooting at Sergeant Angel.. its like one of them Robert Rodriguez's movies!

well..
believe me this lads.. lasses..
Sanford.. Village of the Year.. for Gunfight.. !
IT ROCK!

* Simon Pegg.. who played Sergeant Nicholas Angel.. is the voice behind Buck.. in Ice Age 3.. what a guy!!

For those who have not entertain themselves with Hot Fuzz.. check it out.. you will like it.. if you have humor in your blood that is..

Peace..

owh... TRANSFORMERS = SUCK!!

2009-07-23T13:39:00.003+08:00

phew..
how long has it been.. quite sometimes now since my last post..
well..
been busy with life.. (do i have one.. oh yeah i do)
i spent last month... doing things.. many things..
yet i manage to squeeze in some hours.. went to the cinema..
and enjoy 3 movies..

1)transformers...revenge of the fallen..(i nearly fall asleep)
2)drag me to hell..(0wh..its hell indeed..its like having a nightmare..back to 80's CGI)
3)ice age 3..(they should make it like 10 or something.. brilliant!)

let me start with the biggest (so they say) movie of the summer..
Revenge of the Fallen..
whats in it?
all right.. Transformers.. its huge.. its big.. its robotic.. its scrap!
why i say so?
tell me.. what's inside the movie?
just some big robot kicking each other asses?
Revenge here.. revenge there.. robot with amnesia.. robot with heart changing..
evil robot.. good robot.. big robot.. tiny robot..
where's the story?
which we can relate to our everyday life?
come on.. do you expect one day.. a chick with that steel tail come and rock your bed?
geezzz..
seriously.. it bores me to death..
CGI is the only thing that matter to that movie..
Transformers.. revenge of the fallen.. they might as well change it to
Transformers.. Revenge of the Fallen Asleep!!
* rate = 1 1/2 .. only for the CGI!!

2)Drag me to hell .......... Sam Raimi.. famous for the Evil Dead's series.. then the Spiderman Trilogy.. then he routed back to Drag me to hell?
What on earth went inside his mind.. from making Bruce Campbell the greatest B grade superstar ever.. to making that Maguire dude look tough.. and he went to get an angry Lamia as a movie?
Please!! the storyline suck.. the CGI.. i think i was watching an 80's movie.. to the sick and intolerable acting skill..
What can i say.. there is nothing good in it..
Seriously Mr Raimi.. next time.. if you thinking of hell.. please.. please.. please..
DO NOT DRAG ME WITH YOU!!
You schmugg!!
* rate = 1/2000.. that is for the line.. I welcome the dead into my soul.. just that!!

3)Ice Age.. ahhh.. a saviour.. the Messiah.. the one that carry me back to life.. after watching 2 stupid movies..
the old gang.. the element of life.. the maturity.. the stupidity.. the courageous buck.. the untame Rudy.. the dialogue..
ahh.. what can i say.. this is the movie that fit and entertaining.. for every age.. every background.. i do believe i did not blink an eye during this movie.. (if i did.. i didnt do that on purpose.. accidentally)
the cinematic camera angle are brilliant..
watching Buck on the back of that big bird.. flying to save Sid.. its like watching one of those aerial war movie.. its like a scene in any big budget hollywood movies.. F-35 against Hornett..
I cant describe how excited I was watching that scene.. its marvellous..
this movie has it all man!! (and woman)..
it does!
i do hope that there will be Ice Age 4.. 5.. 18..92..
if they can keep this attitude and emotion inside the movie.. I'll be their follower..
Till death do us apart!!

Well..
* rate = do me a favour.. gather all the stars up in the sky.. still.. it is not enough for this great wonderful movie!!

BUCK!! YOU ROCK MAN!! TRULY ROCK!! ICE ROCK THAT IS!!

Room For Two?

2009-04-15T10:53:00.003+08:00

Classic phrase..
Room For Two..
What is that two stand for?
two lustful human?
two tired soul who wish for nothing but peaceful moment for them self?
or two lovers.. passionately in love with each other.. trying their best.. unleashing emotion into motions?

i have a question for myself..
which of which is me?
and why which is me?

hmmm..

Movie(s)

2009-04-13T14:44:00.000+08:00

ah.. its something rare actually..for me to write something that is non poetry..
but.. since i have nothing much to do lately..
so i watch lots of movies..
on HBO i mean..
but among all.. there were two that caught my attention..

1)the bucket list..

a story of 2 dying old man...cancer due..and the doctor gave them 6 - 12 months to live..
one is a billionaire..Edward..a grumpy selfish predator-like billionaire..played by Jack Nicholson..and the other..Carter..a mechanic...played by Morgan Freeman (as always..a great actor to watch)..decent..mild-mannered..loves Jeopardy (that t.v show)..great knowledge...

they met in the hospital..sharing the same room..and when both knew the fact that they had less than a year to live..they share a list..things to do..named the bucket list..supported by Edward cash power..and Carter beautiful dreams..they did marvelous things..things that many of us can only dream of..

its not what they did that actually captured my attention..but the character..their differences..
both are great actors..with so many great things in their resume..but the way they played their part..in completing each others remaining days..its great..

and one thing for sure..they both manages to see death..as not a bad things..but simply a cycle of nature..

and the cliche of it all..both buried on top of mount Everest..thou its illegal..
and as Tommy (Edward loyal sharp mouthed assistant and Carter helpful friend) said..
"i know he will enjoy this..because its against the law"

how witty.. how slick.. even after death.. they still enjoy their life..

2)Beowulf

At first..when I first heard of this movie..the only thing that crossed my mind was..another typical action movie based on the Norsemen.. the Vikings.. what so good about it?
well..what makes me watch it..simply the animation..for i am a game addict..it was like watching on of those CG movies for Warcraft.. Starcraft.. Diablo.. those Blizzard made..it always a new sensation watching them CG for games..
and Beowulf gave me the same emotion..

but..a butt in that but..

as the movie went half way..after Beowulf become a king..it became a drama..a very good storyline..of how man lies..simply for their own sake..and how that lies..will one day..come back..haunting..

Beowulf..his sin..creating a monster that ironically will be the instrumental hands that end his life..still..as a man..a warrior..a king..he..in the end..stood tall..facing his own sin..his own lies..and die as a true man..

what so good about this whole thing?
SIMPLE
"one shall sin..and lies..but one shall not get away with it..for only true man..confront his fault..admit his wrong doing..and suffer the consequences"
that is what Beowulf did..
and that is how he gained my respect.. (which is not easy to get)

When..

2009-04-13T08:36:00.002+08:00

When I'm black..
You're white..

When I'm wrong..
You're right..

When I'm hate..
You're love..

When I'm bad..
You're good..

When I'm weak..
You're strong..

When I'm night..
You're day..

When I'm out.
You're in..

When I'm down..
You're up..

When I'm no..
You're yes..

When I'm with you..
I am something else..

Defeated Am I?

2009-04-13T08:36:00.001+08:00

Well Well Well..
Dear Jack.. here we go again..

What is it with you Jack?
You wish.. yet you do nothing..
You hold.. yet you always let go..
You fight.. yet you always lose..

May I remind you my Dear Jack..
How weak you are.. at times..
And how strong you can.. if you want..

Somehow.. right now.. am I talking to a pathetic sore loser??

Answer me Jack..

What will you do..
How will you do..
When will you do..

To keep yourself going..
To push your dream up..

But above all..

TO BE TRUE TO YOUR WORDS..
WHERE IT MATTERS?

In your life..
People came..
And they goes..
Some stayed..
Showered you with love..

and Promises..

You yourself know very well..
How long it last..

Defeated are you Jack??

Think Think Think..
As deep as you can..

They move on..
When will you??

Or..
Will ever you??

Promises

2009-04-13T08:35:00.000+08:00

it was one dark night..
nothing shine..
not even a tiniest of light..

it was just me..
and you..

remember what i tell you..
no matter what..
i will save you..

no matter how hard..
no matter how long..

days come and goes..
and the words..
in my heart they stood..

strong as ever..

all because of you..

all because of you makes me remember you..

THE YOU!

it's time..

2009-04-13T08:34:00.002+08:00

Many years pass me by..
In silent and stillness..
Not a sound nor a cry..
I'm wasted in total darkness..

At times I want things..
Dream of dreams..
Proove that I am still a human being..
Or so what it seems..

Should I break..
Should I beg..
Should I hold..
Should I let go..

My heart screams in agony..
My demon urging to be set free..
My concious is now killing me..
My needs somehow eluded me..

NO MORE!!
NOT A FUCKING MORE!!
I WONT FUCKING WAIT FOR ANOTHER MOMENT NO MORE..

Can I.. or can I not..unleash the demon in me??
No need to answer..your opinion doesnt matter to me..
Now that I'm so fucked up with all around me..
Its Time!!
Its Time!!
To set the demon free..

LAUGH NOW..
CRY LATER..
DIE ANYWAY..

THE DEMON IS HERE..TO STAY!!

Day of Days

2009-04-13T08:34:00.001+08:00

Remember me my old friend?
How we used to be so damn close back then..
We roam the night like those shadow fiend..
The joy seems never to end..

As times flew and change the years..
Brought happiness and lots of laughter..
Sometimes provoked us with pain and fears..
Then we parted ways in agony and tears..

What happen?
From that moment..Till this day?
So damn much things happen..

Yet today..
Somehow you walked my way..
And mentioned that this time you here to stay..
Together there will be more we shall slay..

Arent today is that Day of Days??

~Back together again.. G.o.D.

My Short Love Poem Collection

2009-04-13T08:33:00.000+08:00

WHAT IS THIS ALL?? HAHA.. THIS IS JUST SOME SHORT POETIC WORDS I WROTE..
WHEN IM IN LOVE.. WELL..CORRECTION.. WHEN I WAS IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE..
AND THEY SAY THAT I AM A SWEET TALKER..
LOVE.. WIERD AIGHT..
______________________

Been searching for thousands of miles..
Been waiting for thousands of days..
Been lonely for thousands of nights..

Then there's the beautiful you..

Out of nowhere..step into my life..
Brighting my day..shining my night..
Easing my pain..strengthen my might..

You..
And your love..
Purify me..
Like none ever did..
___________________________

will work my soul..my heart..my might..
to have you in these arms..always..day and night..

i will go to the end of the earth..to hell..or heaven..
so i can make you mine..in good or worst..their even..

i believe in what i feel..in what i touch..in what i see..
in you i trust..in you i love..in you i see me..

may you always shine..in every deed..in every hour..in every way..
for you are my precious..my heart..my soul..my lovely butterfly..
___________________________

i lost my words...
to tell you how much i love you...
you are my world..my heart..my soul..only you..
i love you darling..

yours forever..
___________________________

I Love You..Not For What You Are..
But For What I Am..When I Am WIth You..
___________________________

one line..
three words..
lifetime happiness...

___________________________

if i have to live in 5 different time..
and die in each..

i want to be with you in every lifetime..
and die in your arms in each..

for you are so precious..
and i shall held you close..

never let go..
for i love you so..
___________________________

"I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times,in life after life, in age after age forever."

~Rabindranath Tagore~
___________________________

when you dream of me holding you..
my hands work on their own..eager to be wrapped around you..

when you think of me kissing you..
do you know that i think of the same thing too..

when your heart screaming that you miss me..
my heart missing you the same way and screaming in agony..

when you close your eyes and whisper to yourself.. I LOVE YOU..
that exact three words sounding..echoing in my soul..i whispered the same three words too..

I LOVE YOU!!
___________________________

Black cloud..
Heavy rain..
Thunderstorm..

We overcome all that..

Now chin up my love..
Our golden path is open..
Love will guide us there..

Te Amo!
___________________________

all the words you say..
somehow cleared all in our way..

all the things you do..
pulled me closer to you..
___________________________

How I Met You?? ACCIDENTALLY..
How I Get You?? INCIDENTALLY..
How I Want You?? ABSOLUTELY..
How I Love You?? ULTIMATELY
___________________________

O Lord..
I'm on my knee..
I seldom pray..
and begged from Thee..
But today..
my head went as low as my knee..
I pray..
i beg You Lord..
Please..
Bless this wonderful lady..
May She have an everlasting happiness..
Even if it cost me my soul..
Please Dear Lord..
Most Forgiving and Merciful..
Please Please Please..
For she's the one i Love..
Please..
Im begging You..
Bless her..
Even if You have to cursed me..
For she's so precious..
To Me..
___________________________

the rose..
the lady..
beautiful..
but nothing..
compare to my chosen one..
___________________________

Blood Is Red For A Reason..
Stating My Obsession For You..

Sky Is Blue For A Reason..
Purifying This Love I Have For You..

Night Is Dark For A Reason..
So In Loneliness I Can See Only You..

Day Is Bright For A Reason..
Reminding Me Of Thy Light That Shine By You..

My Lady..
My Love Is All For You..
None Other Than You..
___________________________

waiting for God

2009-04-13T08:32:00.003+08:00

One fine morning.. As my eyes open.. As air begin to fill my lungs conciously..

I look up.. My ceiling smiling at me..

Turn to my right.. My walls are laughing crazily..

Stared down in shame.. My floor giggles wickedly..

Gathered my strength.. I start to look around slowly..

A question.. Out of instinct and suprise...

Where am I?

What is this place?

As comfort this bed felt.. it is not mine..

As fresh the air I inhale.. it is not the same..

As colorful the wall can be.. it secure me not..

Owh..

AM I DEAD?

IS THIS LIFE OVER NOW?

AM I IN THAT WAITING ROOM? BEFORE I BE JUDGE AND SENTENCED EITHER TO ETERNAL DAMNATION.. OR FOREVER ECSTACY?

I am so not dare to open my eyes no more.. So I shut it again..

A bell rang..

I open my eyes..

Ahhh.. Now I'm in my room.. this rough bed.. this polluted air.. this old walls..

How nice..

So God..

You've shown me a glipmse of your power..

I believe in that power.. For I am a worshipper..

But I have a question for You My Lord..

I am waiting..

To be corrected.. To be revive..

Show me heaven.. Show me hell..

Lead me.. To any place You believe right for me..

I am waiting for that..

I am waiting for You..

Waiting For God..

To makes me.. to shape me..

To turn me.. into anything..

THAT HE BELIEVES IS ME!!

i am calling your soul..

2009-04-13T08:32:00.001+08:00

now that the smoke gone..
you realized you are all alone..

cold feeling down to your bone..
welcome to the fugitive zone..

get your feet ready to run..
hand steadily on that gun..

aim straight to the heart of that sun..
pull the trigger..now that's fun..

what ever cross you shall die..
what ever did choose to try..

laugh as you hear them cry..
drink their blood..and you will fly..

fly fly into my arms..
feel me..hold me..am i not warm..

this dark soul are yours now to farm..
cherish it..nourish that..it shall bring you no harm..

for i am the dark seed..
your soul i shall feed..

dont be scared..shagged away that cold feet..
like it or not..i am what you need..

Sinner is thy name..Your soul..is my game..

Worship me!!

let us

2009-04-13T08:31:00.002+08:00

Let us..

Let us dance under the mooonlight..
Let us do that with all our might..
I want to hold you all night long..
Holding you somehow makes me strong..

For I am in love with you..
So deep... so huge.. so into you..

Let us jiggle in the rain..
Let the raindrops wash away our pain..
We shall then singing and laughing..
With your lips.. beautifully smiling..

For I am missing you..
So much.. so bad.. so needing you..

Let us then rest under the tree..
So in my arms.. you can just feel me..
And I shall tell you many tale.. many stories..
Out of experiences.. observations.. and my memories..

For I am yours..
From the first moment..
And..
Eternally..

rules of Life..

2009-04-13T08:31:00.001+08:00

Rules of life..

One minute you are the greatest.. The next.. you are the worst..
Today you seems to be the strongest.. This afternoon..the rest of the world know your weakness..
Maybe right now you have all the power.. Come dusk..you'll ended up a loser..
Right now you are the prettiest.. Chill lady..one acid shot later..erk..what are you??the freakiest??
What?? you the man?? the one??.. For how long..one fine day..you will be done!!

Today I am the dirtiest of all..
Future.. This SinneR takes all!!!

I AM SINNER™!!

2009-04-13T08:30:00.000+08:00

I AM SINNER™!!

Sinner is Brazo Izquierdo del Diablo.. I am The Devil's Left Arm!!(Aliya.. Thank You Very Much!! You Are A True Friend Indeed!!)

To many.. they saw me as a loser.. well.. judging from what i have right now.. i believe that they are right.. but they can't be right the whole time.. aight??
Not many know that i am a fighter.. everytime i went down.. kicked.. beaten.. dumped.. i will always fight my way back.. experiences taught me how to do that.. how to fight back.. how to climb the ladder of life.. starting from zero.. to become a hero..
Against all odds.. i will merge victorious.. even when the rest of the world are up against me.. i know i will always find a way..
This very moment.. i'm already in the 2nd stage of my latest plan.. and its working properly..
I know there will be obstacle.. there will be hard life.. hardwork.. lots of thing.. but i am willing to do anything.. to get where i want myself to be in the future..
Perhaps.. when i reached my goal.. people will acknowledge my achievements.. or maybe not.. but i dont give a fuck.. i am doing what i do right now.. for my own sake.. and if you think its not up to your standard.. go to hell.. i dont care!!
I STOP THINKING OF OTHERS THAT VERY MOMENT OTHERS STOP THINKING ABOUT ME!!
There's Time To Whine.. And I Did Whine.. Now Its Time To Move On.. Glorious Life Ahead.. And I Shall Fight With Everything I Had.. With This God Given Hands.. I'll Work Something Out.. Blinded No More..
GOD TOLD ME.. (in a form of a true friend name Aliya) I'VE ALREADY GOT THE LIFE!!

Now.. Its Time To Make Use Of That Life!!

howling at the stars..

2009-04-13T08:29:00.002+08:00

come come dear friend..let us start back what once we end..
come dance dear soul..by dusk today you will be sold..
come jig with me dear concious..for i shall have to kill you with no remorse..
come sing along my wonderful sanity..i want to cherish some little time i have left with thee..
come ride with me my lovely mind..sooner or later you going to be blind..

come hither my darkest of demon..i want you..i need you...and now you're the one i summon..

come tonight..i'll be shifting my shape..from man to wolf..from sane to wild..
and i shall treat my demon with pride..feeding it with all my might..
for tonight..i shall be howling at the stars..letting them now..in the moment of agony..ordinary man or even the greatest of kings..lost their sanity!!

the Awakening

2009-04-13T08:29:00.001+08:00

something happen..i was struck by lightning..there's rage..there's pain..there's humiliation..there's so many negative feeling mixed in this soul of mine..

the news..the most unexpected..the most uninvited..the most unbelievable news..reaches my grab..invading my mind..echoing in my head even as i type these words right now..

it was hell..yes..it is hell..if you read your Holy Book..Al-Quran..The Bible..you know that hell is an eternal damnation..and that's what its going to be for me from this moment onwards..

that very news..which i can't share..which i dare not even to speak off to another soul..reaches deep into my soul..moving one tombstone that i place in the most isolated..darkest part of my heart..

it dig the grave..thy very grave..of one creature i fear the most..one creature that ruled me for so many years before..one creature that if i let it loose free..will cause havoc..bring chaos..caling the infernal rain..to not only myself..but to many living breathing soul out there..even to the most innocent of us all..

it is a creature known to many as The Inner Devil..known to me as The Dark Side of my soul..a creature so wild..even hell spat it out right after swallowing it..simply because..even hell..can't hold this creature down..

a creature who care not of virtues..who care not of human right..who care not of what is right and what is not..who do things simply because its satisfying..to its demonic uncompromising self centered sadistic hunger..

in a nick of time..the most vital second in my life..something..somehow something manage to stop the resurrection of my dark side..manage to hold it down..lay it back in that diggen grave..put it to rest..before it manage to rules me once again..

that something is my compassion..that something is this care i have for people that close to me..that something is this large amount of love i have been feeling for this past few weeks..thanks to these emotion..they put the creature back to it resting place..

but..

thou it lay there..in that grave..i should remind others and most importantly my own self..that there is no coffin to close it down this time..there is no ground covering that grave like it was before..there is no tombstone to seal it down from the light of life that it once disturbed..

the creature lay there..sleeping with one eye open..waiting..eagerly await..for the slightest invitation..for the tiniest provocation..that can be thy excuse..for it to jump out..and take control..to again laughing and dancing and drinking to the havoc it brought..

truth is..i am so scared of the future..of things that might happened..of consequences..of that uncertain darkness await me..for i am weak..weaker than i was..the pillar that strengthen me up this past 2 years is cracking..and i can't find a way..can't find a thing..to set it up again as strong as it was..

to those that think they are so close..to me..so dear to my heart..on my knee..i kneel..i kneel for long `til blood gushing out of my now wounded knee..i beg you..save me..do what you can..please..do the best you can..all in your might and in your sight..save me..from my other side..

for the awakening..

has begun!!

The Exit

2009-04-13T08:28:00.001+08:00

Went to the nearest doctor..

asking for an answer..

is there anything wrong with me..

he said...

"physically no defect..mentally...nobody perfect"

went to the local magistrate..

wanting things to be straight..

of my every little mistake..

she said...

"be ashame of your wrong doings..what ever..you're just a human being"

went to a politician..

asking for advices..

for wisdom and guidance..

he said...

"son..i scream for people's best..but in truth..i am the beast"

went straight to the cops..

arrest me sir..

i am not a nice citizen..

they said...

"Dude..this is not the place for mentallist..if you need help..seek a psychologist"

went to the angel of death..

perhaps he can help..

in ending my miserable life..

he said...

"your name is not on today list..come again tomorrow..you might be the first"

erghh..is it too hard to find a way out?

My Darkest Hour

2009-04-13T08:27:00.002+08:00

at my darkest hour...
here i lay..alone...

here i sit..still as a stone..
at this weaken hour of mine..

i have nothing..
i am nothing..

some came to me..
Pray the Lord they say..

He who creates...
walks with you..

and i wonder..
did He??

did He shown me His never ending mercy??
did He watched me over..guide me..help me??
did He spare me His enourmous love??

one thing i'm sure of...
He deserted me long ago..

He left me for a mistake i did..
for a sin of my youth..

did He ever look below..
and wondering..

"What happen to that young boy who made a childish immature mistake?? Is he doing well now??"

and i shall answer you O Mighty Lord...

"not just You.. but the rest of the world left me to suffer.. to die in pain.. to rott in hell.."

"well.. i clearly understand now.. there is no turning back for a sinner like me.. there is only one way journey.. for me.."

"IF IT HELL FOR ME.. THEN I SHALL REMIND OTHERS.. THAT I'LL BE GOING THERE.. WITH REGRET AND PAIN.. YET.. I WONT GO DOWN THERE ALONE.. I SHALL BRING COMPANIES.. MANY OF THEM...!!"

as she falls deep in her slumber..

2009-04-13T08:27:00.001+08:00

as she falls deep in her slumber..

watching you sleeping..makes me wonder..
what am i feeling `ere..
magic...
or just a passing by feeling..
why am i doing all this..
why am i staring at a still statue-like of you in your bed..
why am i feeling those lovely feeling warming inside me..
why cant i just shut this off and be gone... falls into my slumber..
why??
why are you so addictive..
why are you so annoyingly tempting..
why are you so painfully interesting..
why are you keep sticking in my head..
why are you so thought provoking..
why are you seems so lovely to me..
why everything about you seems undeniably gorgeous..
why did every word you said..
stinging in my veine...
in the most graceful mood ever..
why did every move you made..
creating such beautiful tense in me..

why am i feeling this way..
why am i so into you..
why am i letting you draining all my will..
why am i permitting you conquering my heart of steele..

why my lady??
why??

but above all..
why i cant shake this feeling of wanting to hold you..
cherish you...
kissing you...
and loving you the way no man ever did..

why??
can you tell me why??

Nobody Care

2009-04-13T08:26:00.004+08:00

Nobody Care...

Look at the things around you..
How they pass you by and ignored you..
Look at the things behind you..
How they kept on mocking everything you do..
Look at the guy in front of you..
Smirking face....staring at you..
Look at the girl beside you..
She saw a beast when she look at you..
Nobody Care..
Nobody gives a damn!!

Then you scream to the world..
How you've been hurt..
Scream from the top of your lung..
Asking where do you belong..
Nobody Care..
Nobody gives a damn!!

Then there's a lady come by..
asking you why..
She Care..
She gives a damn..

Or a guy walking nearby...
The same..asking you why..
He Care..
He gives a damn..

Maybe I'm the one that pass you by..
Maybe I'm the one who ask you why..
Then you shall know that I Care..
Then you shall know that I giveS a damn!!

I DO CARE!!
I DO GIVES A DAMN!!

On Drugs..

2009-04-13T08:26:00.003+08:00

ON DRUGS

greetings ya`ll..perhaps..my doctor prescribed me the wrong medicine..and turn me into this sick emotional bastard while i'm typing this..bear with me if you can..if not..you can just ignore this things i typed..

we are all nothing but a bunch of lying bastard..!!we lie everyday..to our boss..to our friends..to our loves one..to our family..

we cheated off things that came from inside..feelings..emotion..we sell LOVE for LUST..we sell PRIDE for WEALTH..
even the devil had too much soul in his bank..he needed a second account!!

we took things that not ours..we claimed that by socalled LAWFUL rights..we came out with excuses..unthinkable one...in bending the law on our favour..

then we went home..resting in that comfortable bed..smiling.. proud of what we done..

WELL THEN..ANSWER ME ANYONE..
ARE WE HUMAN??
OR MORE HUMAN THAN HUMAN!!

Life

2009-04-13T08:26:00.001+08:00

Life..

This journey of life...is like one of those long lousy day...

People came..and people goes...

Some joined you at breakfast...departed....and never to be heard again..Few spent an hour at lunch with you...only to be heard once after 7 or 8 years in a long distance pay-phone...A number sat with you at dinner....shared few jokes...shared some laughter...well..in few years time...they get to you back...in card i means..christmast..thanksgiving...new year...whatever..

But how many...stayed with you for the rest of their life?

And if you found one..Hold on tight...Very very tight...

You might not like the idea's of walking that journey of yours..ALONE...

Peace...Everlast...!

In Love..

2009-04-13T08:25:00.001+08:00

In Love

Dusk came...

An immortal said to another..

"O thou friend, we are the creature of the night, living on blood, of those mortal we hunt since our first night.."

The companion said in return..

"O thou love, we the forsaken, the forgotten, in this finest of evening, why such question you bring?"

The first one silent for a moment..

"O dear beloved, my company among the dead, ever occured to you how lovely the sunrise be? How the sun shall shine our skin? How splendour we shall walk among the living?"

The other shut his eyes, long deep breath..

"O friend of mine for may centuries, truth is about to be reveal, how I miss my mortal years, shown by my every dusk tears"

A gasp coming from the first..

" O my love, my shining beauty, never I knew you cried, never I knew you missed your mortality, if I ever, I shall never let you off my sight, showered you with my love till eternity"

Gazing at the night sky, the second one reply..

"O my love, my master, y guidance, my everything, how can I break your heart with such weakness of mine, for you reminded me times and times again, as the night princes, we rule the night, majestically shine"

Tears flowing softly on the first one cheek..

"O my everlasting wonderful friend, I kept this mortal heart in me for long, I can't hold it no more, thou I hunt them, thou their blood keeps me going, in every bite, I cried inside, I'm in love with this mortal, the mortal I was once, deep inside, I'm longing still to be one"

Sadness and grieve in his voice, the scond one said..

"O my lord, my ruler, I can't do this anymore, to hunt and drank the blood of what was once my brothers, my sisters, forgive me for this weak heart of mine, I can't and wont do this anymore, forgive me for waht I'm about to do, forgive me my Lord"

After one long thought, the elder smiled..

"O my young friend, how could I let you do that all by yourself, come, this very dawn, take my hand, let us walk to that glory land"

Come dawn, as mortal still in their sleeps, there's two shawody figures walks on, hand in hand, heading for the sun, knowing the first ray of light shall destroy them. Indeed it destroyed them, burn them to nothing but ashes.

Again, as earth moves, night comes...

Another creature of the night, standing right on the ashes of what was once his beloved brothers..

"O Beloved brothers of mine, my heart craving for your company, I missed you both, but I do understand why such bold moves"

"Wait for me, in heaven or hell, one fine day, I shall take your steps, once I have the heart to do so, with love my two brothers, with love...."

what happen?

2009-04-13T08:24:00.002+08:00

what happen?

in the heat of life..
we saw nothing but dust..
in the warm of love..
we have nothing but lust..
in the squeeze of pain..
we lost nothing but trust..
in the grip of doom..
death..is a must..

what happen to us?

to try.. and fail.. and try again

2009-04-13T08:24:00.001+08:00

To Try..and Fail..and Try Again

Hours and hours of struggle..Endless efforts to succeed..Hundred of walls to overcome..Sky high mountain to conquer..

We will go on..We will go on..

Uninvited wind storming our journey..Aching mind burdening our heads..Pain perhaps is our destiny..With sore feet that killing our legs..

Then we fall...Then we get back on our feet
We will go on..We will go on..

Then there's words in the air..Echoing in our ears..Screaming..Saying..Whispering..

End this foolish act..End this tiring efforts..You will fall again..And again..And again..

And yes.. We did fall..Again..And again..And again..

Then we get up...Back on our feet again..

Then we look up..Enjoying the sun and all its heat..

With a smile on our lips..

We will go on..We will go on..

to rest.. in Peace..

2009-04-13T08:23:00.002+08:00

To Rest..in Peace..

Did it ever crossed that mind of yours...a question which makes you lose control..of how everything you've done was meaningless..everydream you had was useless..

did it ever occured to you...and to me too...how does it felt to be a king...to be among the finest of things..to walk among the honourable of living..to be the world's most wonderful being...

lightning strikes...hit you on your head...awaken you in the land of the dead...you starting to cursed...Damn you GoD...why take me away when im having the most beautiful dream ever!!

Perhaps..perhaps..he would talk to you like he talked to Moses....then he would said this..

"You..i created you..to do good...i created you to worship me..i created you to learn the terms of honesty...and many more good deeds for humanity..but You...you do everything against me..those evil and sins of yours...I can filled the whole heaven with your evil deeds scroll..i let you live for 30 years..you committed sins more than any others in 3,000 years..!..now you hate me for taking you away in that wonderful dreams??

Ahh...human.....how they never really learnt..."

Ouch..

God...if you ever taking me in this near future...please..dont lecture me as much as you did to this guy!

Dooms Day

2009-04-13T08:23:00.001+08:00

there will come one day..
shattered everything..
wrecking everything..
destruction everywhere..
death everywhere..

January 12th..
if i get out of that day..
in one piece..
physically..
for i know my soul will never be the same..

treachery..
trust..
wisdom..
blood..
love..

to face that very day..
i learnt and i understand..
from that point and beyond..
if i walk throught gates of hell..
and went back in one piece..

I....
Stand alone..

Doom's Day..
Come hit me..
Menace me..
Shaking me..
Eagerly wanting..
To look in the eyes of heLL...

AT LAST..
this wolf...
awaken..

at last..

things happen in simplest of move..

2009-04-13T08:22:00.000+08:00

things happen in simplest of move..
in every breathe that i inhale..
i felt..

wreckless pain..for meaningless cruelty..
shatterred dreams..by hands of killer..
tormented soul..of those abused child..
dreadful thought..of those manipulator..
sickening memory..of those madness in history..
disrespected regret...of mankind stupidity..
damaged hope..of peace and harmony..

wrapped in one simple action..i
n one single breathe..

in a blink of an eye..
i saw..

distorted betrayal..by some trustworthy..
unimaginable lies..made by many..
rampaging cruelty..brought death and agony..
sinful beauty..traded with money..
hollow mourn..by those suffering from tragedy..
terrifying murder..child..woman..man...they killed any..
wounded tears..due to lust immaturity..

and the vision flashes so fast..
all in a blink of an eye..

no doubt..its sickening..
the world we all in..

not much things i like in here..
still..optionless..
i live..and die..
here..

hmm..

ans she called me last night..

2009-04-13T08:21:00.002+08:00

9 months and 10 days...she carried me around...
enormous pain..day and night it bound..

great tussle termendous hussle..she said no word..
come the time..she gave all she could..

in that thin line..between earth and hell..
all those pain..no words can tell..

agony and blood...maddening pain and shameful tears..
on the first sight of me..she lost all of that fears..

smiling and singing for the child she will surely adore..
there's no pain..there's no tears..there's no nothing more..

in her mind..she drawn hopes...wishes..and dreams..
she planned everything..so does it seems..

28 yrs has pass her by...and here i am...typing all this words..
i've been to earthly hell..to mortal heaven..i've done as much as i could..

there's looks in her eyes..theres lost hope...damage dreams..
im not doing anything...anything she planned in her beautiful scheme..

i know i failed her..for many not worthy things..
i know i hurt her...she cried inside...wounded feeling..

last night she called...sounded mellow...sad..and tortured..
she mentioned few things..telling me..her days are numbered..

i lost my sleep..i lost my laugh..i lost my nerve..
i want to correct many things..gave her many things she deserved..

after a very long thougt...after a very long moment of concious..
i made a vow..to myself...her happiness is a must..for she's so precious..

mother..in the name of the GOD...who gave me that never ending love..
i shall be a real man...a true man...that i will surely proove..

let tooks my whole blood..my whole life..my whole soul..
for you..i must..i will..and by GOD its my ultimate goal..

before you close your eyes..for eternity..you will be smiling again..
in knowing the fact..i..your son..will no longer bring worries in your vein..

all because i love you..i truly do..
all because you are my world..you truly do..

~merci...momma..

God Greatest Creation

2009-04-13T08:21:00.001+08:00

He told us to Be sincere..
we let hypocracy rule our nature..

He told us to Be nice..
we always let greed overcome wise..

He told us to Show mercy..
we ended up in a killing spree..

He wanted us to live by regulation..
we created stupid reason for revolution..

He sprinkled Love all over our world..
we spilled blood...kill...havoc...in some cases...under the name of the Lord..and many More..

are We...His greatest creation?

Dust of Star

2009-04-13T08:20:00.003+08:00

I think..
I change..
A lot..

I think..
Im maturing..
More and more..

I think..
Im getting older..
Years by years..
Lotsa changes..
from head to toe..
in and out..

More matured than before..
always finding the better solution than before..
knowing which right and wrong..

ahh..such pleasure..

Older...
thats for sure..
blessed with that wisdom..
came from ages..
and experience..

but then..
will any of them achievable..
if there's no hand..
no invisible hand..
Sprinkling that dust...
from that wisdom star..
on ME?

Dialling

2009-04-13T08:20:00.001+08:00

the number you had dialled..
is not in our coverage area..

it might be in some remote place..
cause your so-called gf with someone else..

she told you she went to her aunts place..
the truth..she's doing something else..

she told you dont worry..she love you..
heck..there she was..naked...and screaming FUCK YOU!

while you were wondering...where the hell she is..
that other guy...licking her..tasting how tight her vagina is..

you thought bout those sweet time..
how she told you that you are the prime..

she's lying there...enjoying her mischiveous..
you sitting there...hoping for nothing worst..

come next morning...you manage to reach her...
she said...with my aunt..i visited my grandmother..

then the phone line will surely be great..
for a week..a month...what the heck!

side by side by side

2009-04-13T08:19:00.001+08:00

side by side by side..

ahh..
lovely feeling..

and how?

on my right..
theres few young punks...
none-puberty..
proudly..
with spike jacket..
leather boots..
smell of ciggie and whiskey..

ahh..
their body saying..
"im the baddest dude around..mess with me..you'll be in deep shit.."

can i laugh now?

and on my left..
some fresh out of school chihuahua bitch...
laughing..
gigling..
playing with their hairs..
comparing lipstick..
mascara..
and even thong..
talking off boyfriend..
scandal..
and early sexual experiences..

theres a look in their eyes..
saying..
"come..i have one wild desire...i'll rock your world like none ever did.."

and why im laughing now..
i used to think im so damn stupid..
but standing side by side by side with this crowd..

god..i do believe im a GENIUS!

kids..
love em..
hate em the same time..

Running out of concious

2009-04-13T08:18:00.002+08:00

insanity..
keep calling me..
in sleep..
at wake..
i have no rest..

rage..
hunt me down..
burnt my ground..
leave me no choice..
to join the force..

hatred..
boiled me in..
turn me on..
grab me..
my weakest point..
its holding on..

violating the violence??
or insulting my sane??

handsful grab of insanity

2009-04-13T08:18:00.001+08:00

in Louis..
i found courage of humanity..
loving the integrity..
sounds of longevity..

in Lestat..
we heard rebellious..
we senses mischievous..
we tasted nothing but that's marvellous..

in Armand..
beauty above others..
relicfull of treasure..
despise beyond all measures..

in Marius..
theres wisdom..
story of many kingdom..
bearer of human gloom..

in Pandora..
the ever graceful companion..
world of passion..
dream of redemption..

and in Me..
i saw all of them..
every bit of them..

learning things and thoughts..
for i am..
a worshipper beyond doubt!

my struggle

2009-04-13T08:17:00.001+08:00

Now..
Why me??
Why not those rich bastard whom with money had committed thy greatest sin of all..
Why must this burden of a man..
Reponsibility..
Protective that i felt..
Why must i sit here and be a real man..
Why must i hurt my mind thinking searching for solutions..
When i can just be as many useless man done..
Bother not of responsibility..
Care not of their own sin..
Pretend it never happen..
And look the other way..

Why me??
Why not those whom greedily manipulating who ever that stand in their circle..wrongly working their God given talent in such cruelty..
Why must in this time of happiness..Prime of joy..I have to keep all dreams hold..And fight the nightmare??
Can i just live peacefully..Enjoying every moment of glory..Drink from that cup of living in victory..

Why me??
Why must the answer always a sky clear to me..
Written in that sungold ink..shining even in the darkest of hour..
Sounded in such loud noise..
shaking everything even the greatest of mount..

Its the hand of God...
That pointed right to me..
And letting things to be..
Wishing for my maturity..
For He knows..
Suffer..
Pain..
Agony..
Will educate me..
Purifying..

For in the deepest of earthly hell..
A man..
Felt very close..
To the Almighty..

this has been a movie made by the modern day leader

2009-04-13T08:16:00.002+08:00

END CREDIT

starring (in order of participant)

stupid soldier ... as their so damn stupid self

thousands dead bodies ... as the victim

wife and kids ... as those who cried their throat off in mourning

the politician ... as those who spokes of things and things but do nothings

the rest of the world leader ... as those who condemned things but still they did nothing

the rest of the world ... as those who read the news and speak to them self its not happening on our part of the world

sound by

all gunshot and bombing sound provided by the latest technology from Pentagon Studio of War

all crying and whining by The Iraqi's Widow and Orphan Bleeding Choir

all scream of protest specially brought by The Human Right Activist (that can do nothing but screaming in foul language)

music by Soldier That Enjoy After Killing So Many Innocence Victim (they karaoke a lot)

special death scream made by Few Iraqis Male (that got shot in some of their vital body part and suffered a long slow death)

script by

by the President of United States Of America

special thanks to the Prime Minister of Israel (for his cunningness)

and Ex-President of Iraq (for his stupidity)

produced by

United Nation (for agreeing with the act against terrorism...supposed so huh)

United Stated Of America (that send their troops to faraway land and do nothing but kill ppl!)

special thanks to

Jews that makes things worst with their pressure on the Palestinian that makes Saddam mad...that created the Hamas..Al Qaeda...thanks guys..you just set terrorism as a trend for Muslim..

all the Muslim terrorist that run that stupid organization and do some stupid bombing here and there...good works guy..you just happen to put a label on all Muslims forehead...WE ARE A BUNCH OF BLOOD THIRSTY ANIMAL

to all the media that happens to choose side..CNN for the U.S...Al Jazeera for the terrorist...keep up that good work of dispatching people here and there..

to all the millionaire that self-stupid-willingly donate so damn much money to that mind blown terrorist and giving them the upper hand in getting all the fire power..thank you to all those rich bastard...you surely spend you money wisely..

and the rest of Muslim that happens to look at things...and then look the other way...why..violence is not your way of life..then..stop that violence...starting from you..inside of you..!

directed by

that damn son of a bitch President Of United States Of America

the dream

2009-04-13T08:15:00.001+08:00

the dream..

theres no sound of guns..and bombing..
theres no smell of corpse..and roasted human flesh..
theres no staind of blood..
theres no child founded crying for the lost of their parents..
theres no woman mourning for the death of their love ones..
theres no dictator ordering for crime that will never be punished..
theres no politician stabbing each other back with smile on their face..
theres no mother ironing the back of her kids..
theres no father went home drunk then practicing his martial arts skill on the mother of his child..
theres no grandpa waiting for the chances to screwed his 14th yrs old grand daughter...
theres no thieve in broad daylight..ready to work that fast hand..
theres no robber with their pumpgun..blowing everything that gets in front of the bank entrance..
theres no high-status executive...taking advantage all around with that stats of theirs..
theres no broken hearted guy..doing drugs in a tiny apartment..
theres no cash-strapped lady..finding solution in prostutition..

theres no ME..sitting here...
wondering how to move on with this sick life of mine..

theres many more NO..
there..there..
in that Dream..

beauty

2009-04-13T08:14:00.003+08:00

beauty..

tell me..
what beauty there is..
in a passing lady..
in her nice baby tee..
in her thight jeans she look so sexy..
in her pretty face the lips smiled at me..

what is beauty..
if she's happen to sell her beauty..
to those who willing to pay more money..
to those who can bring the heaven wildly..
and in that beauty..
there lay so much cruelty..

how life..

so damned into money..

let it be

2009-04-13T08:14:00.001+08:00

let it be..

when im all alone..
whining and crying..
cursing and hating..
for everything this world put me through..
there's voices in me..
telling..
calming...
let it be..
let it be..

then when im in rage..
for those who stepped on me..
those who backstabbed me..
those who lie..act..manipulated me..
there it goes again..
soothing..
reliefing..
let it be..
let it be..

and in times of struggle..
weight of trouble burdening me..
bloodied wound hurting me..
blend of terror scare the shit out of me..
i heard it again..
tendering...
cooling..
let it be..
let it be..

as the number of age grow now..
wondering..
thinking..
not knowing..
what is that voice..
whom might it be..
and it spoke to me..
that is the voices in me..
the concious in me..
the angelic of me..
and then it goes again..
let it be..
let it be..

all road lead to ROME?

2009-04-13T08:13:00.003+08:00

all road lead to ROME??

and so they say..
Rome was not built in one day..
all the beauty..all the art..all in tray..
civilization..love...whats left there to say..

and it crossed my mind..

that Atlantis..
sanked in deep sea in a single day and night..
destroying all that was once its might..
buried deep in sea..where there's no light..
there's glory..there's damage..
there's beauty..there's carnage..

life..

is that life??

our nature

2009-04-13T08:13:00.001+08:00

our nature...

the wind might touch our faces..
smoothly..if it want to..
roughly..if it needs to..

the sun might shines our life..
with warm..if it feels like to..
condemnly burning..if it lforced to..

the night might bring peace to our mind..
beautiful..if it supposed to..
pure darkness..if it happens to..

this is what nature do..
in whole while times let it to..

but we..
what are we suppose to do..
in this lifetime we were given to..
to make peace..or create havoc..
to feel love..or bring hatred..

its all up to you..its all up to you..

what if?

2009-04-13T08:12:00.001+08:00

what if..

what if the sunlight never reach our earth no more..
what if all the land were covered by ocean and left mankind room no more..
what if the world exist only a few hours more..
what if i were left to breath few minutes more..

its not a matter to me..if all that happens..
if i have you knocking on my door..
and be in these arms of mine..
once more..
and this time..
forever more..

Who's Who?

2009-04-13T08:11:00.001+08:00

who's who?

dear all..
who sit as low and stand as tall..
who sleep when it needs..
who's tummy need to feed..

sit back..
and relax..
its nothing much..
just a lil hush..

here goes..

dear miss whore..

how many dick you rode..
how many more you will took..
aint it ever cross that brain of yours..
theres only one life and its so precious..
was lust all you had in you..
or you just love trying something new..
maybe when you hit by something then you'll learn..
heck..
you been stupid..a bitch..and stubborn..!!

hey ya mr junkie..

got that shit in your vein again didnt you..
it got you fly up in the sky that is so blue..and you thought you seen heaven..
as if god was seen drunk in a tavern..
dont you ever think bout all that you used to adore..
or those who love you more..
you do know that your day are numbered..
and there will be time you gonna get lumbered..
by then you scream for mercy..
gee dude...its you who loath at thee..

yuhuu..mr money shot..

have you enough of all the land you rob..
or all the money you slobb..
of all the tears of those you stepped on..
and you said to em..
rolling on..
wish i can just smack your ungratefull ass..
and later...
stab that with some glass..
you no-good son of a bitch..
i shall get you ditch..
and rest not in peace..
in hell that is..

damN..
was it me..
was it you..
or was the world seems to have everything so damned..
i have no clue!

in the name of Love..

2009-04-13T08:10:00.001+08:00

in the name of Love..

Ever my Love to graces your hearT....
i fiLLed your souL with passioN..
i ThriLLed your body with Desire..
i feD your mind With Joy..

For lOve..
i shaLL..
i mUsT..
Do aLL..!

Aint It Suck?

2009-04-13T08:09:00.000+08:00

aint it suck?
tell me...with every lil breath we had..
in this lil life we got..
how many times does those breath...were reliefing...
how many times does it comes with glory...happiness..love..
do some calculation here...
we were breed...raised..and sent to studying all sort of things..
then we graduated..then we work..then we fall in love..
then we started to have family..then...grew old..then...DIE..

is it a fun thing to do?
its suck..

can we do something else...
can we have the ultimate fun..

before we die..
can we just do what ever crossed our mind..
and said to this sick world..
"SHOVE THAT IN THAT SMELLY ARSE OF YOURS!"
can we?
no we can't..
we're stuck...stopped..by rules..and regulation..

aint iT Suck?